Monday, July 6, 2009
What is it in my post baby weight filled body that has continued over the years to feel the exhausting need to keep up with the Jones's. You may know them...it is pretty much everyone in Utah...and anyone I know. Now in reading this you may immediately think to yourself "wow, Annie is absolutely, positively the most ungrateful human being on the planet..." and I am sure a plethura of other things are running through your mind. Well, I might very well be ungrateful. But I am not trying to be ungrateful and thus the pit digging begins and I find myself a billion feet down and I might as well be worm food. Whether it be a nicer car, a bigger house, an amazing wardrobe, a darling nursery, a fabulous body(especially the teeny bop moms with a body to die for after several kids) a great homemaker and mother....just about everything I find my jealousy button on overload and I am not quite sure how to stop it and get perspective. I figure if I could just get away from the here I might find solace from the jealousy jabs that constantly poke at my heart and mind that bring me no joy at all, but all that comes is absolute guilt that is as thick as the frosting on the Sprinkles cupcakes I made last night....thick, full of fat, and not good for me...but irresistable. Hmmm, I think I need some serious help. A mental health professional? Unfortunately I am pretty sure that all the mental health professionals in the world could not help me...and thus I lead my life in frustration and helpless-ness at the fact that there will always be the Jones's and there will always be someone better than I. I will never be the best...or wait, forget the best....better, I would settle for better.