Recenty...

Hello friends out there...I recently received this email after previously sending an apology email and am not sure how to respond to it...would love your help. Here it is :

"All I am going to say is that I am upset about what you said. You have no right to say that Taylor and I are ungrateful for everything that has been done for us. We tell your Dad everyday how grateful we are while I am working at the family business so that your dad can pay for family fun and toys. Taylor's and my belief on issues that you have a problem with has been learned at the Ranch. Taylor and I are in recovery and we are doing well. but dealing with all of this family drama is making our recovery harder. And because of this, I am stepping back from this family. My recovery and my husband and son come first to me. What I believe and have learned at the Ranch has made it so that I am okay with not associating with your family. If you have a problem with how we believe things,you should bring it up with Chris at the Ranch. She is the one who has taught us about what things we should worry about and what things will just work itself out. I am loving my recovery as is Taylor and we are finally growing together as a family. We both talk to our Bishop and Stake President regurlarly and THEY are the ones who determine if we are worthy, you and your family do not determine if we are worthy of anything. So as of right now I will associate with your Dad and Mom who i love very much and appreciate, but I cannot associate with the rest of the family. Please do not contact me. I am finally over all of this."

Guess sorry isn't good enough....

A little pick me up...

So this picture is a little old (Brighton is about 4 months in this picture) but she holds her bottle! She totally grabs the end of it. I am still trying to figure out my Iphoto library on my mac, so I am only posting this pic, but I figured that after my last post, I need to apologize and give a little pick me up...and Brighton does just that. I wrote the last post in the heat of the moment...which is not good for me, but I wrote how I felt nonetheless. Well, my little girl is amazing! (no I am not bragging...okay, I am!) She laughs and talks and rolls around and man I love this little buggy girl! More pics to come...more RECENT pics to come....laters!

yes...i absolutely am.

For the few of you who read this blog....if by the end or middle or beginning of reading this post, you are asking yourselves, "is she really writing about this?" The answer is yes. Damn yes, hell yes and all the other explitives I won't write here but am absolutely feeling. I am angry. I am so mad I could spit fire from my eyeballs. If looks could kill, they would right now... I mean you could actually look at me and you would be dead (not only because I actually look like death, but because I am MAD!) Okay, here it is. A drug is a drug. Pain killers, tobacco, heroine, cocaine, nicotine...They are all addictive. ALL!!!! Would anyone out there rather have someone they love take one over the other? Doesn't taking any of them result in being unworthy to go to the Temple, practice the Priesthood( i.e blessings)? What the HELL is the point of a 20,000 dollar rehab if you are okay with tobacco afterwards? 20,000 dollars that NO ONE has the money for....nevermind the thousands of money that is being paid in your behalf for the dumb ass mistakes YOU made. And He is saving your behind...not the other way around. You are damn lucky he is yours because any other Dad would not. And in my heart of hearts, I blame him to. Someone that I love and respect so much...is a major part of this problem. Really. I mean, I don't get it. I want to punch both of you in the face...

updates

I know, total slacker with blogging anything worth while these days...sorry. We blessed Brighton on May 3rd. It was amazing, and she was an absolute angel...no crying in the circle. Grandma Krissy bought this blessing dress when I had her in the hospital, the UVRMC gift shop freakin' rocks! Although Brighton is almost 6 months now(what the crap?!?!) her 4 month stats are as follows: 9 lbs, below the 3rd percentile for weight, a touch above the 3 percentile for head circumference, and 25 percentil for height...she is a string bean. I took her swimming one day at my sis in laws place and um, yeah, they don't make swim diapers small enough for this squirt...so if she happened to squirt, it would definitely get in the pool. Notice the fringe on the back of her head....honestly, it is so funny. And the top picture is her 4 month mark. Isn't she the cutest? I love her. We recently started rice cereal, and she is not the most coordinated at eating it, I hope it comes eventually. And when Robb and I weigh her on our scale, she weighs almost 12 lbs. I wish I could lose 12 lbs. But it was all worth it for this little spaz of a girl. I would give anything for this little lady. She is my best bud.

The Jones's

What is it in my post baby weight filled body that has continued over the years to feel the exhausting need to keep up with the Jones's. You may know them...it is pretty much everyone in Utah...and anyone I know. Now in reading this you may immediately think to yourself "wow, Annie is absolutely, positively the most ungrateful human being on the planet..." and I am sure a plethura of other things are running through your mind. Well, I might very well be ungrateful. But I am not trying to be ungrateful and thus the pit digging begins and I find myself a billion feet down and I might as well be worm food. Whether it be a nicer car, a bigger house, an amazing wardrobe, a darling nursery, a fabulous body(especially the teeny bop moms with a body to die for after several kids) a great homemaker and mother....just about everything I find my jealousy button on overload and I am not quite sure how to stop it and get perspective. I figure if I could just get away from the here I might find solace from the jealousy jabs that constantly poke at my heart and mind that bring me no joy at all, but all that comes is absolute guilt that is as thick as the frosting on the Sprinkles cupcakes I made last night....thick, full of fat, and not good for me...but irresistable. Hmmm, I think I need some serious help. A mental health professional? Unfortunately I am pretty sure that all the mental health professionals in the world could not help me...and thus I lead my life in frustration and helpless-ness at the fact that there will always be the Jones's and there will always be someone better than I. I will never be the best...or wait, forget the best....better, I would settle for better.

The Bijou Market

Dear Blogging buddies! I am super pumped to go to the Bijou Market! I have never been, but when I went to the Womens Expo at UVU I ran into this super cute booth called MotleyHandmade and fell in love with their head bands. I wanted to know more and she referred me to a fun event this Saturday June 27th called the Bijou Market, which is where a bunch of amazing vendors will be selling their product. Check out this website to get more info....I hope to see you all there! www.bijoumarket.com.

This relationship is disfunctional

All right....enough is enough. We just can't do this anymore....mainly because my nerves can't take it. But the stares I get, and the screeching in my ears and oh yeah, running into every darn display. I am sorry disabled shopping cart, I will no longer be using you, and I will take you back if I pick you the first time.

Every time I go to the store, whether it be Maceys, Walmart, Costco, Target, Harmons, Days market...whenever I get a shopping cart I pick the one with the squeaky wheel, or broken, wobbly wheel...I HAVE HAD IT! The shopping cart is so sneaky too! It doesn't let me know it is defunct until I am away from the pile of carts, so I am too lazy to go trade it and I also feel bad for the darn cart, thinking that if I put it back I might be confirming to it that it is absolutely annoying and useless...the measure of its creation has come and gone. So I stick with the da** cart the whole time, amongst the annoyed stares and the couple of displays I just about knock over and swear to myself that it will be the last time I commit myself to the unfortunate carts. Well, I'm Done. I need a break, and maybe in a few months my heart my have room to push you around and let you feel those wheels a burnin', but for now...adios amigos!